This is a list of all the things I could obviously live without, but shudder at the thought of it:
* Peter King’s MMQB – I love this guy’s column, and I’m happy he hasn’t sold out to writing for the World Wide Leader (ESPN). It’s my Monday morning perk-up, the wind beneath my weekend-just-ended wings. Read it, Live it, Be it. Click here to enjoy some of P. K.’s MMQB.
* Soap – all kinds, really. Liquid, bar, and that crusty powder soap from elementary school. When you get a ring stuck on your finger, soap helps it slide right off. When you get your mouth washed out with it, it reminds us to hold our tongue until our family buys a better tasting flavor. The bar is good for writing on car windows, and the lot of ‘em are good for getting the dirt out of your nails.
*Pens – they’re good for everything, and I generally carry about five on me at all times. Black, blue, green, purple- I’ve got a wide variety. They’re good for more than just writing, too. They hold up my hair, stain my blouses, help me pick locks, are useful for stabbing people, and most importantly, writing keeps me entertained when I would otherwise be out-of-my-freaking-mind BORED.
* Library Card – I’m just not down to buy books these days. Which poses a problem, because I’m the biggest nerd you’ve never met. Checking them out from the library saves me time, money, and the temptation of stepping into a bookstore and going crazy with my hard earned money. I used to hate checking things out from the library, because I’d forget to return books and owe like $75 dollars for a freaking paperback. I’ve wised up and put the return date as a reminder in my cell phone calendar. Free = 4 ME!
* Cheese Pizza – like I always say, a slice a day keeps the doctor away, a slice of “plain”- that’s what you call cheese pizza on the East Coast- does something for my soul that all the meditation in the world can’t. It fills my stomach AND pleases my palate. Now that’s effortless multitasking. Plain and simple: pizza is a food group.
* Oxyclean – as a frequent thrift-er and lover of authentic vintage clothing, good ol’ Oxyclean has taken many a stain out of a stylish mod shift, removed many a strangers’ pit stains from a canvas tunic. Seriously, this stuff is golden. You stain it, I buy it, and Oxyclean handles the rest. It all sounds kind of sick, but I love it.
* Charles Barkley – hands down one of my favorite sports commentators these days, I feel like everyone could use just a little more Chucky in their lives. Imagine if you had Chuck perched on your shoulder, angel/devil style, through out your day, feeding you sage advice and beautiful, beautiful commentary. (<—Click that link, you know you want to.) . . . while your bbq’ing in your backyard, cleaning out the toilet, on your drive to work, while you’re at the bar trying to get some. While I don’t condone drunk driving (what idiot does?), I do condone Chuck’s golf swing. (<—Yeah. Click. That. Link.)
* Public Transportation – If you read my shtick above about Chucky, you already know I don’t approve of drunk driving, and public transportation is the best way to avoid this. If you’re in New York City, cab it- or if you’re as cheap as I am, hop the bus or the subway. In LA? Metro, baby. And when you find the Metro doesn’t cut it (because it’s nowhere near as comprehensive as NYC’s), bus it back home. Frisco? Muni and Bart. Sactown? Don’t make the mistake of getting a B.U.I. on all those lovely bike paths in Midtown and Downtown- walk, bus it, or make frequent use of the light rail running down R Street. With the increased cost of fuel, time-sapping traffic, the cost of metered or lot parking, and the rapid decline of the environment, public transportation in major metropolitan areas is the way to go. Plus, you gotta love the crazies one generally meets on the Metro. . .
The scariest thing on the metro these days is the clashing upholstery.
On the Blue Line. My hard-to-find Laker Nation Hero.
